I can't but God can

Have you ever said "I can't" like I can't take it anymore, I can't do it anymore, I just can't? Like that overwhelming feeling you get and you feel like you just can't go on? You feel like life is too hard or things are just too bad and you almost might even get to the feeling of I can't live anymore. Have you ever been there? Oh, I definitely have. In fact, God put this so clearly on my heart to share, that I couldn't resist taking the time to write about it. 

On Sunday, we were on our way home from church. The car was quiet, I was driving, Jon had fallen asleep and so had the kids. We had worship music playing softly and God started speaking in my ear. He actually told me everything I'm about to tell you but He told me with my voice. I heard myself sharing this with you all. It was the craziest but coolest thing. I was so pumped and excited about it that after He told me it all and the noise stopped coming, I woke Jon up and told him everything. He was like wow, that's such an awesome word. I was like I know, it was ALL God. So here it is. 

In the past few months we have been through the HARDEST financial time of our lives. If you read my last blog "Be Still" then you know I was sent to the hospital by my cardiologist and after a few days and many test later, they released me. However, they did not give me a release to go back to work. They advised me I needed to see my doctors and they could release me back to work. Well, my doctor wouldn't release me, she was concerned about my blood pressure because it was running high. Then there was a new concern with my pulse jumping all over the place. It was one issue after another and every time I went back to the office ready to be released, instead something else didn't look right and I was kept out of work. I was on medical leave, so at least my job was secure but times were hard. 

On top of this, our business had to be put on hold because not one but ALL three pressure washers quit working on us. Since this happened very early in the business, we hadn't had enough time to really build up a savings or a safety net, Jon was doing pressure washing for us full time, so he had no other income and then I was out of work. No money to repair our pressure washers and no money to purchase a new one. Seriously, I felt like it was a nightmare. How do you pay your bills when you have nothing? 

Now that I've told you the background, this is the message God gave me to share. During that time, life was hard. I was out of work yet hardly sleeping. I woke up all night thinking of bills and thinking of how we could keep a roof over our family's head. Yes, of course I turned to prayer, that's all I did was pray. We prayed, prayed and prayed some more. 

One morning I woke up and went to the kitchen sink to find that our water had been turned off. I started screaming crying. That was one bill I was counting the days for but I thought I had a little bit more time. Yes, we can live without water, but it seemed like every morning I woke up to more bad news. Another loss of some kind. It felt like we would slowly lose everything. Jon was applying to so many jobs and nothing was coming through, I was desperately begging my doctor to get me back to work but she was very concerned about my heart rate. To be honest, I was pretty concerned too, it was all over the place. I wore a Fitbit and would look at the app to see what my heart was doing in my sleep and the lines were up and down constantly. So, this particular morning, I said I can't do this anymore. What else? I can't!!! Shortly after I cried out a small breakthrough would happen, that bill got paid. 

On Sunday, God showed me what happened each time, I said I can't. God said "Oh, but I can." He was there all along and once I truly screamed saying this is it, I can't!! He said "but I can my daughter, I'm here and I've got you". When I woke up to no water... I can't take this anymore, oh but I can. When our landlord called and gave us a deadline, I said I don't know what to do Lord. We don't have anything. We can't lose our home. I can't do this anymore, He said BUT I can! Sure enough at the last minute, we were blessed with just enough to cover our rent. 

During all of this we were serving at a production called Blink The Revival at our church. We drive about 35 minutes each way for church. When we thought we didn't have money for gas, our tank would get randomly filled up. We didn't have money to give during this time. How do you give tithe on no income? You can't but you can give of your time. We didn't allow it to stop us from serving. We went to church nightly to serve our hearts out and give our all. We knew the enemy wanted to stop that, but he didn't get his way. We served at Blink with joyful hearts, we figured out a way to give, even when there is no money to give. We were blessed with dinner by a few different people during that time and none of them knew what was going on. That is when you know God is at work. 

During hard times it might be hard to see God's hand, it might make you want to ask God why, it might make you ask what you're doing wrong and believe me, I did. I wanted to know if there was anything I needed to change. I feel like every trial we go through, is a time where we can learn to be better, there is always something to learn. As a friend of mine told me, it's not punishment, it's trials that we all go through. We have to allow these times to teach us something. Let it help you grow into something better. I know God continues to mold me into something better and I want that. Just as growing pains hurt, this can hurt but you will get through it. 

On Sunday, God also reminded me how I thought I couldn't handle anymore when my marriage was falling apart over 5 years ago. I remember saying those same words. I can't do this. I can't take it. This is too much. BUT God. He took care of it, He handled it. He saved my marriage. How about when I heard the scary words of you need open heart surgery. No! I can't. I'm scared. What if I don't make it? My son needs me. God said oh but I can and He did. 

There have been so many situations in my life where I said I can't and I truly couldn't handle them, but God can and He did. I'm sharing this to remind you, if you are in a situation where you feel you cannot go on anymore or you cannot take one more piece of bad news, just remember God can and He will. If you find yourself saying I can't, follow it up with BUT God can! Claim it and believe it. I can't BUT God can! He has you in the palm of His hands. He loves you. He cares about you. It's ok if you can't handle it, give it to Him to handle. Let those words become a release of control, let them be a surrender to Him. Add but You can Lord, I KNOW You will see me through this. 

Once my household began claiming our breakthrough daily, everything changed. We danced together, singing our own songs of praise to God and claiming a breakthrough was on its way. We knew our God had better plans for us. Within a week of us changing our own attitudes and claiming a breakthrough, Jon got a job and I was released to go back to work! My heart rate has calmed down and seems to be normal again. We do have a lot of recovery with our bills, we are behind on things and playing catch up BUT we know our God has it, just like He had us all along. We are back to work now and working hard. Jon loves his job and I am back to working and appreciate my job more than I ever did. I'm excited to get up every morning and work. 

This Thanksgiving, I cried thinking of how grateful I am to have a roof over our heads. I'm thankful for my family, I'm thankful for our jobs, I'm thankful for a car, for gas, for food and the list goes on. This year, we went through so much but learned a lot. I now know more than ever there might be times when I can't but God can. 

So no matter what you are going through, whether it's financial issues, relational issues, medical issues or anything else, please remember there is so much we feel that we can't handle but turn it over to God and allow Him to handle it. He handles it much better than us. Don't ever think He isn't there, He is there all along, He cares for you, He loves you and He knows exactly what you are going through. Trust Him and know when you can't, He can. 

Jesus replied, "What is impossible with man is possible with God."

Luke 18:27 NIV