Be Still

                   Be Still...

Sometimes life hits you with some unexpected things, sometimes scary, sometimes they seem unbearable, sometimes they're great moments, moments you never want to forget. Other times they are moments, you may wish had never happened. The important thing to remember is in life whether things are bad or good, you have to remember Who you belong to. You have to remember Who has blessed you. Jesus is always the answer. Remember that Jesus brought you through those rough times. He is there when things are bad, but don't forget Him when things are good. 

Today, if you are walking in blessings, remember Who created you. Remember Who provided those blessings for you. Remember to serve Him first and with that ALL things will be made beautiful. 

Today, if things are rough for you, remember what He has brought you through before. Run to Him, hold on to Him. Take His hand and allow Him to show you what you can learn through your rough times. I can tell you, every single trial I have been through in my life, I have learned so much through it. Jesus has taught me to be a better daughter to Him, a better wife to my husband, a better mom to my kids, a better daughter to my parents, a better sister to my sisters, a better employee to my job, a better servant at church and the list goes on. I'm still learning how to get better at those roles in my life and I'm continuously working at it. I'm not perfect, that's for sure. I'm still a work in progress but I can tell you that with every trial, there is a lesson that can be learned. We just have to humble ourselves, be quiet and allow God to speak to us and help us through it. 

This week, I learned to BE STILL. I was in prayer about some things, begging for answers, crying out to God and I even hit a moment where I said "God, where are you?? Why are things so rough right now? I don't understand." I was desperately seeking but I wasn't giving Him a moment to answer me. I ended up getting so worked up and upset that I had chest pains that would not stop. I was sent to the hospital by my cardiologist. I was so frustrated and scared. I kept thinking why is all of this happening? I was terrified of reliving what happened to me 5 years ago. 

I walked in the emergency room, thinking please let them tell me, it's nothing and I can go home. I checked in, they called me within 5 minutes. I went to triage and once they asked a few questions the nurse said give me one second. He came back so fast with a wheelchair and said "Darling, we're getting you right back, we don't want to risk anything with your history and symptoms." Yes, it's great that I didn't have to wait but oh my, everything is happening so fast. 

Once back there, they had nurses coming into my room so fast, getting an EKG and hooking me up to the monitors. They asked what caused this, I said a meltdown caused it. I literally cried so hard, it felt like my chest was going to rip open. I kept laughing with the nurses and doctors, kept trying to convince them I am not crazy, I just had a moment that was apparently long overdue. The doctor came in and said, I'm afraid your repaired valve could have gotten damaged or started to dissect during this since we know your blood pressure shot up. He said I'm admitting you to monitor you for at least 24 hours, I don't want to take any chances. They got me in for an urgent CT scan to check my valve. Thankfully, I got those results pretty quickly and found out my valve looked great! Praise Jesus!! I was so thankful. 

The doctor went over it all and said, I'm still keeping you. We still need to do further testing to check on your heart more. We don't want to take any chances with your history. While I did appreciate that, I was so sad at the same time. It felt like I was reliving everything from 5 years ago. I heard those same things, everything looks fine but we are going to keep you just in case. 

So I got admitted to a chest pain area of the hospital where they are monitoring everything around the clock. They did so much testing on me, ended up telling me the next day, they needed to keep me ANOTHER day. I was SO frustrated and sad. I was confused. I didn't get it. Jon never left my side, he stayed in the recliner next to me the whole time I was there. The most he did was go to the cafeteria twice and only because I made him. He was just there, right by my side. We didn't say a whole lot, most of the time, we were actually quiet, which isn't even like us but God was doing something. 

As I went for test after test, I didn't have my phone with me most of the time. I didn't even want it. So, I finally said while starring at the ceiling in a room where I was waiting for a test to be done with no tv in there. God, why am I here? What is it? I know nothing is wrong with me. I know I'm not going to go through all of this heart stuff again. I'm already fixed. What is it God? Is there someone here that I need to witness to? Invite to church? Invite to Blink? Show me God, I want to hear you and do what you want me to do, so I can get out of here. After that, I was quiet. In that moment He told me to be still, I learned so much. He answered so many questions that about drove me crazy before I went in. Those questions that I told you I was begging for the answers for. Just that quick, He answered me. It was basically when I finally shut up, when I finally stopped trying to figure it out on my own. When I finally was no longer distracted by my phone or tv or even my family. I was by myself in a room for a long time because the cardiologist that was going to do the test got called for an emergency surgery. When the nurse told me that, I began praying for that person that was laying on the table and then that is when I started praying the prayer above that I shared. In a quick moment of me worrying about my test results, I was hit with the reality that there are some suffering way more than me. There is someone going through their heart surgery, there are others losing loved ones, there are so many things going on all around me. 

That reality hit me and I no longer felt sad. I just said Lord, I trust You. Please just talk to me. He so sweetly told me so many answers. I got back to my room after so long, to friends (that are like family) there to see me. I was exhausted from the testing and they were there with hugs and smiles. Just what I needed and I didn't even know I needed it. 

When they left, I sat on the edge of my bed and shared with Jon what God did in me while I was down there waiting for that test. Here is the amazing part, God was also talking to Jon in that same moment. We both were getting answers that we needed and they were the same answers. We were given direction that could only come from Him. He showed us what needed to be done. We talked for so long about how God was right there all along but the noise all around us, kept us from hearing Him. 

Just like that my peace and joy were back. Just like that I was refreshed. It was a crazy week, very tiring and scary but ultimately, I learned so much. I learned to be still. Something I know to do but I learned how to do it. I learned how important it is for our soul to have that completely quiet time with God and allow Him to direct you. I learned that I can ask God all day what to do in a situation, I can pray, I can beg but if I don't take a moment to listen, I'm getting nowhere. 

I have great news! All of my test results came back great and they finally let me go home! What is amazing to me though is I feel like it was a time of healing and spiritual learning in that hospital bed. I wasn't discharged to go home until I was spiritually better. I needed that so badly and I had no clue. God was my doctor there, He was and always has been my healer. He healed me physically and spiritually. 

Please learn from me. I'm not saying God will put you in a hospital. I'm saying we can put ourselves in a hospital. I was still serving God, praying and doing everything for Him but I was simply not taking time for Him to speak to me. I was searching for answers on my own, in reality. I may have been asking Him but it doesn't count since I wasn't giving him a chance to answer me. If you find that you are anxious, frustrated or stressed, take a moment with just you and Jesus. Sit quietly and allow Him to speak to you. It will bring you peace, joy and clarity. 

      “Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him.”

‭‭       Psalms‬ ‭37:7‬ ‭ESV‬‬

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation,by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”

‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:6‬ ‭NIV‬‬

With love,
Lynette Colon