There is something I have felt on my heart for a long time, but never really thought about writing on it or if I did, I then worried I would offend someone or I wouldn't be understood.
Today, I realized I need to share. I was sitting at the pool and had just come up to a chair to relax for a minute and catch some sun after swimming with my boy. I sit down and three ladies are sitting right next to me and the one is talking away. There was no way of me NOT hearing. She was a frustrated wife and step mom. My heart hurt as I heard her speaking the way she was about her step daughter and even about her husband. She was complaining about the step daughter seeming ungrateful and wanting things from her dad and then the next sentence she was complaining that it seems like her husband doesn't know how to "stand up" to his daughter.
My heart hurt. I'm hurting because in the midst of something that was once broken (the husband not lasting with the daughters mother) there is still brokenness. So many things went through my head as I sat there hearing it all, so many prayers, asking God to give me the right words to say, if I was supposed to say something. I never ended up saying anything, I didn't feel I was supposed to and didn't know what to say but I did feel God stirring in my heart to write.
Many times as wives, we can run our mouths to friends, we can complain to our husbands, to where it sounds like we are barking at them, but let's try talking, let's try asking a simple question like "How are you? How was your day? How do you feel?" And truly taking time to listen to the answer to that question. When they are stressed, hear them out. Tell him, you are there, that you two will get through it. You married him, you said "til death do us part" in other words, just be there for him and care for him. Instead of your husband responding in defense or brushing his feelings under the rug, you'll begin to see things change, you'll begin to see him open up and you will grow a friendship stronger than ever.
Now, with that being said, if you are a step mom, please don't treat that child, no matter how old they are, like they are your husband's kid. Don't talk bad about them, don't talk against them, don't talk as if they are not your responsibility at all. Love that child! Even if they are not your blood, God blessed you with that child. Show love to them, show that you care for them. Do things for them. Embrace the walk in life you were given with every relationship God placed in your life. There is no reason for division in a family. You are all one together, whether one might have a different mom or not, they should still be loved and accepted by you, just as much as the one you birthed from your womb. Children come into our lives in all different ways, sometimes it's not exactly the way we planned but if you give it all to God, He can and will bring unity to your family.
Bottom line, love God, love the life you were given, love your husband, love your kids, ALL of them. If you're having problems or concerns, pray about it, don't go talking about it. Yes, you can have people to turn to, that will pray with you and encourage you, but I have found that "talking" about your problems doesn't really do anything for them but possibly stir you up more. Pray pray pray, God will work a miracle in your life, in your marriage and in your family but you have to first, fully give Him your heart.
With Love,
Lynette Colon
